A Comedic Squire

As a self-deprecating, overweight, Mormon-raised Cleveland native, a married man and father to three young girls, comedian Bill Squire has a lot of source material. His sardonic wit and crude brand of humor – as with most standout standups – is born of experience, guaranteed to offend and roundly unapologetic. On his album Sarcasm Bus, recorded October 8, 2008 at The Winchester in Lakewood and released the following April, Squire addresses the usual suspects, such as Cleveland sports, married life and kids; and not-so common comedy anecdotes about fathering illegitimate Filipino children, "an Italian stepmother" and a deep-fat fryer, all with a liberal dose of the album's namesake sarcasm. Despite claims to have launched his career on HBO, he does appear on "Man in a Box," part of HBO Labs' Runaway Box, the brainchild of fellow Cleveland comic Mike Polk (of "Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video" fame). Look for new episodes of "Man in a Box" on Break Originals. In the meantime, catch Squire this Friday at House of Blues, part of Alan Cox & Cleveland Kings of Comedy with Cox, Chad Zumock, Mike Polk and Jim Tews. The 7 pm show sold out, but tickets are still available for a second performance at 10 pm.

Here he talks about whiskey, opening a bar in Parma, more whiskey, motivation and more.

OhioAuthority: Beyond the fact that you find yourself amusing, why did you want to be a comedian? 

Bill Squire: Basically, I wanted to be a comedian so I could sleep in, bang chicks and do drugs, and so far I have achieved one of those goals.

OA: When was your first standup performance before an audience and how did it go?

BS: My first time on stage was an HBO special called "Bill Squire: First Time." It went amazingly well, and I am working my way down to the bottom. In 20 years, I hope to do my first open mic at sports bar in Parma.

OA: Being a comedian is hardly all laughs. What keeps you motivated?

BS: Nothing. Have you ever met someone that is motivated? They are fucking dull. All the best comedians are unknowns, because they don't have the motivation to get out and be funny.

OA: What's the best way to recover from a bad night? 

BS: Whiskey.

OA: What's the best way to celebrate a good night? 

BS: Whiskey and titties.

OA: What are some of the "unique" attributes of Cleveland audiences? 

BS: All the black people – duh.

OA: For those who've never seen one of your shows, what can they expect?

BS: The lower the the expectations, the better for me. I won't disappoint if you go in thinking I will suck.

OA: What's the funniest thing about living in Northeast Ohio? 

BS: Outdoor swimming pools. They are open for like three weeks a year. 

OA: The least funny thing? 

BS: All the hopeless optimism.

LISTEN:

Bill Squire – "Cleveland" (from Sarcasm Bus)